Quit Overthinking

My first article here on Medium was short and sweet.

I’ve been writing since I was little. As soon as I wrote my first words that’s all I did.

I’ve had stories win first place in our elementary art fair, a story written the morning it was due, in fact.

Others got me A+’s and I even have one published online.

Yet I still feel like an outsider. I spend so much time overthinking everything to the point of not getting it done.

So my first article was just that, getting it done.

I don’t pay attention to where the commas go or what proper formatting is.

Honestly for me, it’s about the writing. The words and what they mean to me and how I can put them together in a cohesive manner to make since to whoever reads it.

Words mean more to me now more than ever

I’ve always loved writing. Dreaming up stories, people watching for my characters. Recently however they have become even more.

I spent the last 13 years in a marriage to a man that I am still in love with to this day but can never be with ever again.

He stole the heart of who I am. He locked me away from friends and family. Told me that all I am, all that I loved was worthless and stupid. My dreams were idiotic. He never wanted to hear about my aspirations and told me that without him I was nothing.

For months I was not allowed to talk. Words were used to kill me slowly .

It took me six months to speak without stuttering.

I survived

My husband locked me in the house and beat me, tried to kill me. After he was arrested I learned about narcissism and how my husband got that to a T.

Words became even more important to me then. I may not write in a style that is proper, but I write how I talk. And it may be scattered here and there, but that is how my mind works these days.

My first article was about me finally having the courage to come into a platform like Medium and let my actual voice be heard. Not hidden behind a story, but me out there for all to see.

The same goes for this article. See, I survived mental and physical abuse and overcame addiction and now I suffer from PTSD along with depression but I am alive and I have a story to tell.

So even though my writing is off and scattered I am not going to silence myself any longer. I will write everyday until I get it.

I will be brave enough to quit overthinking.

For the followers I do have I thank you. It is you that is giving me the courage to do this.

I hope to one day get my story out there to hopefully give others hope and courage but until then I’m going to quit doubting myself.

To other introverted writers who feel they don’t belong. You do belong. You are talented and it’s ok to be scared. But do it. Write. Put it out there because someone needs to hear what you have to say.

So say it.

Thank you. I hope this made since.